Morning Reflections

DSCF0108 Early morning and the cactus is once again blooming in Trolley Garden Way, which is in the process of slowly being cleaned up by individuals apparently working for or volunteering with (or doing community service for) the city.   Day by day I see improvement, trash being picked up, yard waste being moved into piles, hopefully for removal, some of the big cactus that reached through the fence and obstructed the sidewalk has been cut back… clumsily, but cut back none-the-less.

Somehow seeing this little improvement, something I view every day when I open my window shades in the morning, helps make life here a little more bearable.

In the year I’ve been here, I’ve made little progress in life.  I’m still living on a lot of plastic furniture, although I do have a real bed now.  And I’ve got car problems, and no money to fix the car.  On the other hand, I’ve taken a part time temporary job that I hope will alleviate some of the financial issues, at least in the short term, and at least get me back on my feet.

Working with Lupus isn’t easy, and I have no time for any more than taking photos of cactus in passing, and the occasional whale watch, which is now a perk of my job, but one I can’t afford in terms of time. Travel time to my job is terrible because of traffic, the short distance takes about an hour on most days.  I can fit in only ONE THING after work before I collapse in bed.  Groceries, laundry, or the whale watch.   Some days I don’t have strength to do any of those.  I remind myself that this is what I need to do to get the car running, that at some point I may be able to get another part time job somewhere easier to get to.

I remind myself I chose this, that this is what I do to get medical coverage, to get money for the car.  Of course, it’s all more complex than that. I’ll actually benefit only half what I earn or even less, since I’ll now have to pay more rent (which is income dependent) and won’t have food stamps, and have to buy a lot more gas for the car, which is hovering around $3/gal here.

This is reality.

I’ve often said “you don’t always get to have the job you love, you do the job to have the life you love.” Right now I’m not living the life I love, but I’m investing in a future where I hope I’ll be able to love my life a lot more.

It’s morning. It’s a new day filled with hope and potential.  I’m off to work.

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